Rick Warren has never been known for theological depth, but every once in a while, he manages to produce something so astoundingly ridiculous that it demands a response.

His latest tweet is a shining example. In a bizarre attempt at political commentary, Warren claims that Jesus is “in the middle” because He was crucified between two thieves. His argument is that since Jesus was literally positioned between two criminals, He must also be some kind of cosmic centrist, hovering in the neutral ground between the left and the right.

If that sounds stupid, it’s because it is. But this is where we are now. Theology by spatial positioning. Forget doctrine, forget Scripture—just grab a verse, yank it out of context, and force it into whatever absurd talking point you’re pushing this week.

According to Warren’s logic, Jesus must be a squishy moderate on all things political. So what exactly would that look like? Let’s take this mindless claim to its natural conclusion.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must be lukewarm on abortion, right? Not fully against it, just sort of uncomfortable with it, but not willing to call it murder. Maybe He’d say something about “reducing the need” for it while still allowing room for a little “choice.” After all, we wouldn’t want to be divisive.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must also be unsure about homosexuality. Maybe He’d give a sermon about “welcoming and affirming” while nodding sympathetically at Romans 1, carefully avoiding any direct statements about sin. Maybe He’d officiate some “same-sex covenant ceremonies” at Andy Stanley’s church and call it love.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must be indifferent to the reality that men are dressing up as women and demanding access to spaces meant for females. Perhaps He’d hold a press conference to declare that gender confusion is a “complex issue” and that we need to “engage in a thoughtful conversation.” After all, the last thing we’d want is for Jesus to come across as… exclusive.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then surely He’d also be a fan of religious pluralism. Maybe He wouldn’t really insist that He’s the only way to the Father (John 14:6). Perhaps He’d amend that to “one of many ways,” giving a respectful nod to Allah, Buddha, and whatever pagan spirits people are worshipping this week.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must be unsure about the sanctity of marriage. Maybe He’d endorse a “third way” between biblical marriage and open adultery. Perhaps He’d even suggest that marriage needs to “evolve” with the times, embracing new and exciting definitions that don’t rely on outdated concepts like lifelong commitment between one man and one woman.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then maybe He’d be cool with government-mandated theft—I mean, “wealth redistribution.” Perhaps He’d argue that taxation is just another form of Christian charity, never mind the fact that biblical charity is supposed to be voluntary, not coerced by the state.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must also be a fan of illegal immigration. Perhaps He’d tell us that national borders are just a social construct and that letting millions of people flood into a country without accountability is the true definition of loving your neighbor.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then surely He must be neutral on drag queens indoctrinating children in public libraries. Maybe He’d call for “kindness on both sides” while refusing to actually condemn the depravity for what it is.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must be indifferent to crime. Perhaps He’d be more concerned about prison reform than justice. Maybe He’d argue that criminals are just misunderstood and that we should focus on rehabilitating them instead of punishing their wickedness.

If Jesus is “in the middle,” then He must also be a climate activist, waving a “Save the Planet” sign at a globalist climate summit. Perhaps He’d tell us that the biggest threat to humanity is carbon emissions rather than sin and judgment.

The list goes on, but you get the point. If Warren’s absurd claim were true, Jesus would have to be nothing more than a spineless, equivocating politician—one who never calls sin what it is, never draws clear moral lines, and never offends anyone.

But that is not the Jesus of Scripture. The real Jesus made exclusive claims. He drew clear distinctions between righteousness and wickedness. He declared that He did not come to bring peace but a sword (Matthew 10:34). The idea that He was some sort of ideological centrist is beyond laughable—it’s heretical.

And this is who Rick Warren is at his core. He has spent his entire ministry reshaping Christianity into a marketable, inoffensive brand of religious sentimentalism. He peddles a Jesus who doesn’t demand repentance, who doesn’t draw a line in the sand, and who certainly doesn’t rebuke the powerful.

In Warren’s world, Christianity is just another arm of the self-help industry, a motivational speech sprinkled with Bible verses, designed to be palatable to the broadest possible audience.

But the real Jesus is not “in the middle.” He is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega. He is the One who will return in judgment, separating the sheep from the goats, rewarding the righteous and casting the wicked into outer darkness.

There is no middle ground with Christ. You are either with Him or against Him. But then again, that kind of clarity doesn’t sell nearly as many books, does it, Rick?