Today we are launching a semi-regular feature wherein we will examine the many equitable improvements to the ancient Christian scriptures made by the Neo-Christian prophets of postmodernism.

For tradition’s sake, we will compare this new and exciting translation with the dusty old King James Version.

For instance. In the KJV of 2nd Corinthians chapter 10 verse 5 we find this outdated and racist proclamation:

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

In order to bring Christian thought into the neo-Marxist 21st century, the CRT scholars have improved this text as follows:

“Casting down logic and evidence and every other form of white supremacy that exalts itself against the oppressed, and bringing every thought captive to the narrative of racial and sexual identity according to Ibram X Kendi and Robin Diangelo; “

How awesome is that?! Now Christians will be compassionate and relevant once again in this morally psychotic, decomposing society.

As I say. Going forward we will examine the many exciting postmodern improvements made to the Word of God by the paragons of love, equity and justice. Oh yeah. Unity too. Let’s not forget unity.

Stay tuned.

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Disclaimer: In case it isn’t obvious to everybody, this series is intended to make a serious point using the literary vehicle of satire. There isn’t actually such a thing as a “Critical Race Translation”…at least not yet.