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Former Catholic Archbishop Hangs Tight in Purgatory As Pope Francis Needlessly Delays Beatification

by | Dec 3, 2019 | News | 0 comments

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Okay, of course, we don’t actually believe that. We’re not Catholic — we actually hold to an objective standard of truth for our foundation of faith and theology. However, Roman Catholics do believe in Purgatory, despite the fact that Jesus never, not even once, hinted of such a ridiculous thing. He did, of course, teach quite the opposite as the writer of Hebrews states, “just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment.”

That being said, the pope has dilly-dallied around and delayed the beatification of a dead American Catholic archbishop, Fulton Sheen, who was ordained a priest of the Diocese of Peoria, IL in 1919. Beatification is a ritual whereby the pope declares a dead person a saint and they are allowed into Heaven — you know, because they believe the pope has “the keys to Heaven” and all that jazz.

“The Diocese of Peoria received formal notification that Pope Francis had approved the Beatification of Fulton Sheen to take place on December 21st of this year,” the Diocese complained in a press release on Tuesday, “However, on December 2nd, the Holy See decided to postpone the date of Beatification, at the request of a few members of the Bishop’s Conference who have asked for further consideration.”

Fulton Sheen was recognized in the Catholic Church as a renown philosopher and for earning the Cardinal Mercier Prize for International Philosophy in 1923. Sadly, he’s still wallowing around in Purgatory because the pope won’t get off his butt and unlock the door to Heaven.

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