One of the most tyrannical pieces of legislation in American history isn’t coming from Washington, D.C. It isn’t being shoved down our throats by some bloated federal agency. No, the epicenter of this legislative grotesquerie is none other than Colorado, where the state has decided to go full Orwell and redefine reality, speech, and parenthood all in a single, unhinged bill.

House Bill 25-1312, cynically titled the “Kelly Loving Act,” is Colorado’s newest masterstroke in the art of social engineering. And by “social engineering,” I mean child-stealing, speech-criminalizing, parent-gutting lunacy disguised as compassion. If you haven’t heard of this bill, that’s by design. The more quietly the Trojan horse rolls in, the fewer arrows it catches.

This bill would, among other insanities, categorize a parent calling their daughter “she” as a form of child abuse. Yes, “misgendering” — i.e., speaking truthfully about biological sex — is now on par with brutally beating your kid or locking them in a closet. “Deadnaming” your child? That too. Say goodbye to parental rights and hello to the Ministry of Gender Truth.

The bill weaponizes family courts. If you don’t affirm your child’s delusion, the state might just take them. Colorado’s family court system will now treat dissenting parents like domestic abusers. It redefines “coercive control” to include not letting your 12-year-old son wear lipstick and call himself Ashley.

And it gets worse. Much worse.

Colorado, in all its boundless arrogance, has declared itself a sanctuary state for child mutilation. If a non-custodial parent kidnaps a child and brings them to Colorado for puberty blockers, the state will not only protect them, it will invalidate any out-of-state court order to the contrary. Colorado has effectively hoisted its middle finger at the rest of the Union and shouted, “You can’t stop us!”

And don’t think you can find refuge in your business or school. All Colorado schools, public and charter alike, must comply. Gendered dress codes? Banned. Teachers using accurate pronouns? Forbidden. Meanwhile, every business is subject to the state’s speech code. One wrong pronoun, and you might find yourself slapped with a lawsuit or dragged through the mud by the Colorado Civil Rights Commission, also known as the Inquisition with Zoom access.

And the cost? A cool $14 million in the first year alone — a small price to pay for total ideological conquest.

This isn’t legislation, it’s psychological warfare. It’s state-sponsored gaslighting at scale. It isn’t just about the kids. It’s about control. It’s about the slow, relentless dismantling of the natural order and replacing it with synthetic madness. It’s about turning parents into suspects, truth-tellers into criminals, and children into ideological pawns on a mutilation conveyor belt.

Now, cue the enter stage left clowns: Phil Vischer. Yes, that Phil Vischer. The guy who made cartoon vegetables talk about God while quietly incubating progressive naivete in the minds of Christian families.

Remember a couple years back, when we were all warning about this exact thing? That conservative Christians might soon be losing their children? He chuckled and snorted something about “Rock and Roll” and the “Child Snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”

To what, Phil? Really? To what? What’s coming for our kids?

Apparently not Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but something far worse. A legislature armed with scalpels and subpoenas, hellbent on castrating the truth and anyone who speaks it.

But Phil, ever the useful idiot of elite-approved Christianity, found the idea laughable. It wasn’t enough for him to be ignorant. He had to be mockingly ignorant. The smirking condescension of a man who thinks his moral compass is functioning while it spins wildly in a storm of delusion. He couldn’t see the freight train barreling down the tracks because he was too busy making Twitter jokes about 60s movie villains.

This is the same crowd that told us drag queen story hour was just fun and games. The same crowd that said critical race theory was a myth. The same crowd that now calls sterilizing your daughter “gender-affirming care.”

And Phil Vischer? He’s the theological equivalent of a human participation trophy. He stands there grinning, shrugging, wondering what all the fuss is about as the cultural ground crumbles beneath him. He asked, “What’s coming down the pike?”

Well, Phil, it’s here. It came down the pike, smashed through the gates, and started filing custody paperwork in Boulder.

And David French? He’s probably off somewhere lighting a candle to the Constitution, spouting off about the “blessings of liberty” while the state forcibly transitions children without parental consent. French is the kind of man who would watch Rome burn and write an op-ed about how warm and inviting the firelight looks.

These clowns don’t oppose tyranny, they moralize it. They baptize it. They wrap it in faux-compassion and sell it to us like it’s some holy posture of grace. They aren’t just wrong. They’re complicit. They are the cause. They are the kind of men who would see the storm clouds gathering and argue that it’s just partly cloudy.

Meanwhile, Colorado builds an altar to androgyny and calls it law.

So here we are. The worst bill in America is about to pass, and the only thing more horrifying than the legislation itself is that men like Phil Vischer are still out there, still snickering, still blind, still blissfully unaware that the child snatcher they joked about now wears a judicial robe and carries a scalpel.

And he doesn’t knock. He kicks down the door.