Good grief. Charisma Magazine—which is akin to Joel Osteen at a flea market checking out fake Rolex watches—has once again proven its unquenchable lust for all things sensational, diving headfirst into yet another delirious obsession with whatever glitzy, pseudo-spiritual spectacle will draw in the clicks and the credulous.

And once again, its blood moons … blood moons.

Apparently, Jonathan “The Cahn Man” Cahn and the Charisma crew are convinced that the heavens themselves are trembling to tell us what we already know. God’s judgment is coming … it’s already here. Yet, Charisma capitalizes on it through its obsession with weaving myths of prophetic savagery from astronomical phenomena.

In an article published at Charisma Mag, The Cahn Man is now telling us that three blood moons over the next two years are apparently God’s way of sending a cryptic, apocalyptic message to mankind. According to his claims, these celestial events align perfectly with key Jewish holidays like Purim and Rosh Hashanah—dates he insists hold the secret to divine revelation.

And if that weren’t enough to capture our attention, he spices it up with the suggestion that these heavenly signs will be punctuated by lightning bolts of judgment, as though God has turned into a cosmic Morse code operator. It’s yet another example of how he continues to turn Scripture into a spectacle, leaning on sensationalism instead of sound theology.

Yeah, about those impressive intellectual gymnastics that it takes to equate lunar eclipses with divine revelation. What’s next? Comets as heavenly email? Solar flares as text messages from God? Jonathan Cahn, who seems to think that lightning hitting buildings in New York and D.C. on New Year’s Eve is some profound prophetic “lightning strike,” asks us to consider what the Bible says about this “phenomenon.”

Spoiler alert!

The Bible doesn’t say much about 21st-century lightning rods, Jonathan. But sure, let’s contort Scripture into a pretzel, wringing every last drop of supposed meaning out of the stars, so we can slap God’s name on our celestial delusions. This is cosmic fan fiction masquerading as theology.

But perhaps the most literally stupid part of this whole escapade is Charisma’s dogged determination to turn the Bible into a tabloid horoscope. Blood moons? Lightning strikes? “Supernatural separations”? It’s all so infatuated with theatrics that it reduces The God who revealed Himself through His Son, the God of redemption, justice, and mercy, to a cosmic stagehand orchestrating sky shows for an audience of conspiracy theorists.

Is this really the God they claim to worship?

So what do these “blood moons” really mean? Nothing … absolutely nothing. Unless you think God’s redemptive plan hinges on celestial drama instead of the finished work of Christ on the cross. The heavens do declare God’s glory, but they are not a divine guessing game for armchair prophets looking to sell books.

Maybe instead of chasing shadows and moon phases, we should focus on the clear, unambiguous, unchanging Word of God—because, spoiler alert, God doesn’t need a blood moon to make Himself known. He’s already done so in His son.

This is not discernment, it is a desperate attempt to make Christianity relevant by attaching it to anything shiny in the sky, anything shocking in the news. It’s a cheap trick, a bait-and-switch that replaces the glorious gospel of Christ with a carnival of speculative nonsense.

And in doing so, it shows exactly where their faith lies—not in the sufficiency of Scripture, but in their own distinctive ability to chase every wind of doctrine that promises a bigger, flashier platform.