“Reverend” Caroline Unzaga—ever heard of her? No? Well, that’s understandable, given that she’s the latest in a long line of clergy more interested in appeasing the ever-ravenous gods of wokeness than actually preaching the gospel, not that she’s qualified to do so. Unzaga hails her tripe from the Brick Presbyterian Church, which, judging by this spectacle, seems to have swapped out bricks for cardboard in the foundation of its theology.

Imagine this. You stroll into church on Sunday morning, expecting to hear something that, oh I don’t know, resembles actual Christian teaching. But instead, you’re greeted by the dulcet tones of Unzaga leading her congregation in a confession of sin—a moment that traditionally calls for some introspection about, say, the Ten Commandments or perhaps the Sermon on the Mount.

But no, that would be far too straightforward for our intrepid “reverend.”

She starts off seemingly well enough, even making you think this might be an orthodox moment, “Merciful God, you have commanded us to love you above all and to have no other gods.” Sounds about right, doesn’t it?

But then, it all goes sideways faster than you can say “cultural Marxism” as Unzaga pivots into a full-throated wail against the so-called sins of “racial and ethnic privileging,” “gender exclusivity,” and “nationalistic imperialism.”

First, we get the nod to “prosperity and materialism,” which, while a bit of a cliche, is at least in the ballpark of biblical concerns. But what follows is a descent into the fever dreams of academia’s most progressive departments—racial and ethnic privileging? Gender exclusivity? Nationalistic imperialism? What Bible is she reading from? The Gospel according to Karl Marx?

The only thing missing was a confession for the original sin of not having signed up for the latest DEI seminar.